lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
