After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
