I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
