I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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