you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
