I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
