I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
