I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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