i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
