3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
