Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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