i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize