Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
