is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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