Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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