Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
