i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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