a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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