i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
