Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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