Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
