I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
