Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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