am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
