a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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