I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We need a shit load of segways right now
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
