he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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