this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
