There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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