dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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