Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
