My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
