so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
