im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
