I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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