I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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