Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
