It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
