So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
