You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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