She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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