it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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