in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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