he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
