Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
