We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
