Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
