I am puke
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
