Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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