is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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