i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
