life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
