you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Boobs speak an international language.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
