my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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